Memories
It seems such a cruel way to deal with a sick animal...
Doesn't it seem that way; I mean it's what we do to criminals. But what else are we supposed to do, Let him suffer? As much as it hurts me to know that Shadow died today, as much as my heart is broken and I am torn apart inside, It would have been much worse to seen him disintegrate into nothing. To see him in pain would have magnified my own. It is good that I didnt get a chance to see him get really really sick. Those aren't the type of memories I want to have.
I am glad that I got to spend his last two days on this earth playing with him and spending time with him. I took him for a long walk thursday night. I let him run and smell anything and everything he wanted. I played with him, gave him as many treats as he wanted and rubbed his belly and scratched behind his eyes until he got tired of it. We wrestled and played with his bones and I talked to him as he just looked at me. I stayed up late past midnight just so I could lay down next to him as he fell asleep in his bed that I had brought into my room from the kitchen. We had moved it out of my room in the first place because he couldnt control his bodily functions, but at that moment I didnt care. I wanted him to be with me his last night. Needless to say, he didnt sleep in his bed that night. He slept at the side of my bed just like he always has.
Today when I went to work and it turned 845, I broke. I tears flowed and I couldnt stop them. Then the phone rang at my job and I had to shove all of my emotions back inside. I almost didnt come home tonight. I didnt want to face the fact that he wouldnt be there to greet my like he always did, waiting at the front door for me to come home, sniffing my legs to see where I had been.
I cant imagine how my parents are feeling. They took him to the Vets. They were with him when he went. They stayed by his side. I couldnt have done that. I'm not that strong. When they left to go to the friday night coffee shop thing at our church, I finally was able to let more of it out. I feel like it would be wrong to let it all out. I need to mourn. I need to take my time. When I cry, it feel like I cant breathe and it feels as if a cacophony is stirring just below the surface. There is a release I just cant get past. Maybe I should yell. I think that might let it out. To go out in the middle of the woods and scream for a while and maybe knock a few trees down.
I have decided to keep his bed in my room, at least for a while. Those of you who know a thing or two about therapy would tell me that that isnt good for me. That it is some sort of act of non-acceptance. Well, guess what, It is...So deal with it. I'm keeping his collar harness and even his bones. Shadow was one of my closest friends. He was a part of our family, and I will do my best to remember the good times and the great memories we made together. A few times today I thought I heard his collar jingling. That probably will still happen years from now. I still smell him in the house. It will probably grow fainter by the day, but God gifted me with a very sensative nose. I should still be able to smell him for a long time to come.
Farwell my friend, You were the best Bat-Dog a guy could have. You watched over me and my family at night and you listened to me when no one else did. You never argued with me and all you ever asked of me was that I love you. I hope I gave you a good life. They say all dogs go to heaven...I'll see you there, buddy. The Shadow has stepped into the light and is no more, but a memory. But a good memory and a lasting memory.
Treasure Every Moment You Have, Because Before You Know It, That Moment Passes. Live Without Regret, Don't Waste Time In Doing The Things You Know You Ought To Be Doing. Do It Now, Live Now. Joy Can Be Found, All That Is Required Is That You Look For It.
Seek Him While He May Be Found.
Xei-xei, Thank you for your prayers,
Si-jin, Stay Shiny,
-Tim
Doesn't it seem that way; I mean it's what we do to criminals. But what else are we supposed to do, Let him suffer? As much as it hurts me to know that Shadow died today, as much as my heart is broken and I am torn apart inside, It would have been much worse to seen him disintegrate into nothing. To see him in pain would have magnified my own. It is good that I didnt get a chance to see him get really really sick. Those aren't the type of memories I want to have.
I am glad that I got to spend his last two days on this earth playing with him and spending time with him. I took him for a long walk thursday night. I let him run and smell anything and everything he wanted. I played with him, gave him as many treats as he wanted and rubbed his belly and scratched behind his eyes until he got tired of it. We wrestled and played with his bones and I talked to him as he just looked at me. I stayed up late past midnight just so I could lay down next to him as he fell asleep in his bed that I had brought into my room from the kitchen. We had moved it out of my room in the first place because he couldnt control his bodily functions, but at that moment I didnt care. I wanted him to be with me his last night. Needless to say, he didnt sleep in his bed that night. He slept at the side of my bed just like he always has.
Today when I went to work and it turned 845, I broke. I tears flowed and I couldnt stop them. Then the phone rang at my job and I had to shove all of my emotions back inside. I almost didnt come home tonight. I didnt want to face the fact that he wouldnt be there to greet my like he always did, waiting at the front door for me to come home, sniffing my legs to see where I had been.
I cant imagine how my parents are feeling. They took him to the Vets. They were with him when he went. They stayed by his side. I couldnt have done that. I'm not that strong. When they left to go to the friday night coffee shop thing at our church, I finally was able to let more of it out. I feel like it would be wrong to let it all out. I need to mourn. I need to take my time. When I cry, it feel like I cant breathe and it feels as if a cacophony is stirring just below the surface. There is a release I just cant get past. Maybe I should yell. I think that might let it out. To go out in the middle of the woods and scream for a while and maybe knock a few trees down.
I have decided to keep his bed in my room, at least for a while. Those of you who know a thing or two about therapy would tell me that that isnt good for me. That it is some sort of act of non-acceptance. Well, guess what, It is...So deal with it. I'm keeping his collar harness and even his bones. Shadow was one of my closest friends. He was a part of our family, and I will do my best to remember the good times and the great memories we made together. A few times today I thought I heard his collar jingling. That probably will still happen years from now. I still smell him in the house. It will probably grow fainter by the day, but God gifted me with a very sensative nose. I should still be able to smell him for a long time to come.
Farwell my friend, You were the best Bat-Dog a guy could have. You watched over me and my family at night and you listened to me when no one else did. You never argued with me and all you ever asked of me was that I love you. I hope I gave you a good life. They say all dogs go to heaven...I'll see you there, buddy. The Shadow has stepped into the light and is no more, but a memory. But a good memory and a lasting memory.
Treasure Every Moment You Have, Because Before You Know It, That Moment Passes. Live Without Regret, Don't Waste Time In Doing The Things You Know You Ought To Be Doing. Do It Now, Live Now. Joy Can Be Found, All That Is Required Is That You Look For It.
Seek Him While He May Be Found.
Xei-xei, Thank you for your prayers,
Si-jin, Stay Shiny,
-Tim
posted by Tim O'Donnell at 21:03
1 Comments:
Shadow was an awesome dog and i im going to miss him every time i go to your house reading this made me cry because i loved shadow to even though he wasn't my dog. shadow i can't wait to see you and Tim playing in heaven.
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